Posts Tagged ‘Jimmer Fredette’

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NBA Draft Diary: That was Ugly

June 24, 2011

Because this draft got ugly, fast... you get Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

One of my favorite sports writers from years back and still today is Bill Simmons. One of his notorious pieces that ran every year was an NBA Draft Diary. Simmons would sit, and live timestamp the draft as he went. I tried it last night sitting in my good friend Mikey Mac’s basement. For whatever reason, even though this draft was sure to suck, we were interested because two local stars Kemba Walker of UCONN and Marshon Brooks of Providence were sure to go in the first round. Here’s what transpired in what could be the last piece of NBA action for a while since a lockout is more likely to happen than in the NFL, which is already happening.

7:31 Welcome to the 2011 NBA Draft! Just finished up an opening montage with Adele’s Rolling in the Deep and a bunch of the picks dressed like 1920s mobsters. Mikey Mac can’t believe they aren’t playing more gangster music for the NBA Draft. I think it makes sense since Adele is a thick white chick.

7:33 David Stern smiles through the boos and greets us from the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Which means Stu Scoot will be calling it “Brick City” the whole night. Stu’s just so damn hood it hurts.

7:34 Stern calls the crowd “A… good crowd.” then stares blankly at the screen. Mikey and I look at each other until Mikey shakes his head and says, “this guy’s a f$#%ing idiot.”

7:35 Cleveland is on the clock, even though they’ve been on the clock for over a month now. Mikey says the obvious “They gotta know by now…”

Jay Bilas tells us there is no Lebron James in this draft. I’d argue there are going to be 60 Lebron James’ in this draft by the time it’s over: none of them will have a ring, either. As of right now, I own Jay Bilas.

Stu Scott tells us Derrick Williams has “shotten” better than 40% from the 3 pt line. If you’re wondering, yes, spellcheck is alerting me to fix “shotten.” Thanks for that word, Stu.

7:38- Cavs roster is shown on a graphic and Alonzo Gee is listed as a starter at the 3. So it looks like Cleveland might be looking to upgrade at that position, since I’m not sure he’s a real person and Mikey Mac just said to nobody in particular “Who in the f#%k is Alonzo Gee?!”

7:39: Cleveland selects Kyrie Irving, and he hugs a man that Mikey Mac is convinced is Clyde Drexler. It’s not.

So if you’re wondering,  Kyrie Irving is 6’1” weighs 190 pounds, played 11 games in college after a toe injury and goes #1 in the draft. No wonder this league is headed for a lockout. Mikey’s early analysis: “Derrick Williams is like, hell yeah I get to go to Minnesota now and let Kevin Love grab every fuckin rebound while I jack 3s.”

7:41: Mark Rose interviews Kyrie Irving and tells us he only worked out for Cleveland. If Stu and the boys let us know, we could have seen this pick coming sooner, I guess. The ESPN Microphone goes out itnermittently and we get almost no information from Kyrie. Cool. This is the perfect start to such a craptastic draft. We don’t even know what the #1 pick sounds like.

Kyrie’s dad, Clyde, er I mean Drederick is talking now, and he played for Boston University (they churn out not only amazing ballplayers, but bloggers as well). Dude is 3rd in points in school history, behind all-time leader (and good friend of the Revolver) Tunde Agboola, I mean Tunji Awojobi.

7:43: We get to the Wolves #2 pick which will be Derrick Williams.  They discuss Ricky Rubio, and Mikey Mac cannot believe he averaged six points in Europe and we are even discussing him. Bilas asks who the Wolves leader is, since they can’t draft a veteran. This insight doesn’t grow on trees people. How about Kevin Love, Jay?! Dude just put up Moses Malone numbers for an entire season.

7:45: Timberwolves select Derrick Williams as expected. Mikey Mac has been waiting for this interview all day. He is convinced Williams would have gone #1 if it wasn’t for his poor teeth and inability to speak like an educated person. Jay Bilas says he has a loping style, but is explosive, and doesn’t rebound too well, but is efficient. He’s also good at getting And 1s, which I’m not sure you can measure.

Live look in to the Minnesota draft room. It has the vibe of a child’s wake until they realize they’re on TV and give a golf clap.

Derrick Williams interviews, Mikey Mac is on pins and needles. Now I am too. “Oh, he sounds good today…” This is a letdown. Williams sounds pretty normal. Even just used the word “Ultimately” to start his response. Williams is the strongest guy in the draft, we just found out. Something Jay Bilas might have wanted to say. Strength, Jay, is a viable attribute, not And1ingness.

7:49: Jazz on the Clock with the 3rd pick. This is where the draft gets interesting, because there isn’t a single guy left anyone seems to want in the top 10. Mikey Mac is convinced if Brandon Knight goes here, it’s the worst draft in league history since Brandon Knight from Pitt who had a better college career didnt even make the league.

7:51 Jazz select Enes Kanter: We have our first selection this year of a guy nobody has seen play besides at the Nike Hoops Summit. It won’t be our last, unfortunately. Kanter would have played for Kentucky, but he was deemed ineligible because he made money playing in Turkey before that. Which is weird since Coach Cal pays his players much more than Kanter ever made in Turkey.

Fran Fraschilla, the offical Euro-Scout for ESPN just let us know that Enes dropped a record 34 points in that Nike game, so he must be good. Fraschilla also tells us he will “fit in good with that group in Utah”… which is true, since he’s white.

Live look in to the Utah draft room: “They look like their mother just died.” -Mikey Mac.

Interview with a Turk: “I dedicate this first rookie season to Kentucky f23gionj (mangled word). I just learned my second language… incoherent rambling… rambling” and Mark Rose steals the mic. Kanter wraps up another answer and mercifully the interview is over. Honestly, outside of dedicating this first rookie season to Kentucky garbled mess, I’m just looking forward to Kanter’s second or third rookie season.

755: Cleveland is back on the clock. Jeff Van Gundy tells us Cleveland is “bereft of talent” and that actually is a word. Then JVG starts to say Valanciunas, but stops mid-way to call him “the big guy from Lithuania.” Love JVG. Jeff also points out how awkward the draft room claps are after the pick. “OF COURSE THEY’RE CLAPPING, IT’S NO SURPRISE, THEY MADE THE PICK!”

7:56 Cleveland takes Tristan Thompson from Texas. So the Cavs take the Canadian-Texan. Jay Bilas had Thompson as his 7th best available and tells us this isn’t a reach. But it clearly is since he should have been picked 11th at that rate. Bilas goes on to say he’s a great offensive rebounder, but not a good shooter… or scorer offensively. His footwork is “high level, he just needs to learn how to play and score.” Sounds like this guy should have been a dancer, since then he wouldn’t need to learn how to play OR score. Unless you count scoring with Natalie Portman when you’re her choreographer.

7:59 Interview with Thompson and the mic is completely out. Midway through we hear Thompson is shooting 1,000 jumpers a day, which is good. I hope Rajon Rondo is taking 10,000. Thompson answered with about 8 words and the second worst interview of the night (not counting Kanter’s, which we heard, just didn’t understand) is over.

8:00  Toronto is on the clock with the #5 pick and our first commercial break and we see that the Kia Optima is the official car of the NBA and Taco Bell has a summer saver menu. Apparently everyone is gearing up for this lockout, with a cheap automobile and a discounted stuft burrito.

As a quick side note: This is one of the least fun things I’ve ever done. ESPN’s coverage is awful, the players are worse, the interviews are the worst. I hope something turns this around or I’m stopping after the lottery.

Come on Rosie, I'm trying anything at this point...

8:02 -Toronto selects Jonas Valanciunas. That’s the big lithuanian guy Van Gundy was talking about. Mikey Mac called this pick when he thought about all their foreign white guys and said they’d f$*k up and take this guy.

Fran tells us right now he runs the floor well and gets put backs, but Toronto is best served to leave Jonas overseas and let him get stronger. So, by the time he comes to America, we’ll all have forgotten about this guy, basically.

Jonas can’t speak much english, and for some reason Mark Jones asked him about Dirk Nowitzki. Jonas didn’t even know what to say since he’s not German and barely speaks english. Jonas did say, “uhhh my body uhhhh not so strong (smile) so ahhhhhh but uhhhh I move feet good soooo uhhh.” No joke I quoted that as directly as possible. So uhhhh, get excited uhhhh Toronto fans, because uhhhhhh you have ahhhh not so strong guy who move feet good uhhhh.

8:06 Wizards on the clock with pick #6: They have almost no talent besides John Wall. Stu Scott says they need to win more games on the road next year sicne they won three last year. Unfortunately, this is one of the most insightful remarks I’ve heard all night.

8:07 BOOM. That is how you get drafted! Jan Vesely just stole the show as his name gets called  and he proceeded to suck his blonde Euro-girlfriend’s tongue, who is 6’7 from the looks of it. Then he turns and hugs an even finer brunette. Mikey Mac notices this, “this dudes got madd bitches.”

Fran breaks down Jan by saying “First of all, he’s got great taste in women.” Everyone on the ESPN broadcast is completely hot for Vesely’s girl. Fran goes on to say Vesely will win a dunk contest at some point because he is a high flying energy guy. After all that talk, we still know he only scored 10 points a game in Serbia. Apparently NBA teams are drafting foreigners based on the US dollar’s weakness. They’re just hoping points overseas have a strong US exchange rate.

During Vesely’s interview he calls Blake Griffin the US version of Jan Vesely. I like this guy already. Jan must have won the Serbian dunk contest by dunking over a horse and buggy?

8:11 Sacramento is on the clock but they are picking for the Bobcats in a trade involving Stephen Jackson, Corey Maggette and John Salmons. Sacramento selects Bismack Biyombo for Charlotte. Biyombo is from the Congo, which makes me wonder how these guys get found out about. Stu Scott tells us he’s got the coolest name in the draft by far. His wingspan is 7’7” and he had the first triple double in Nike Hoops Summit history.

Fran says until January, three teams in the league might have known about this guy. We find out that “he cannot score.” And that, “You cannot run plays for him. But, he will be an outstanding rebounding player. High risk, high reward, for a guy who is allegedly 18 years old.” Jon Barry is dying laughing for the same reason as you and me at this point. The draft is an absolute joke right now.

Mikey Mac cant wait to see how well Bismack speaks english, since he speaks 6 languages. After the interview, Mikey’s advice is: “He might want to work on one language instead of six.” Bismack says he is excited the way Jordan ran a practice and he was so excited to practice for him. So I guess things are exciting in Charlotte.

815: Pistons on the clock. JVG thinks the hardest part is whether they are totally invested in a rebuild. Since they suck, Id say it’s a good idea. The pick is in and it’s Brandon Knight. Mikey Mac was convinced Kemba was going to Detroit since they love Uconn guys (Rip Hamilton, Ben Gordon, Villanueva).

Bilas says he isn’t a point guard, but is a scorer. He can pass, but isn’t a good passer. And if he can learn the point guard position, he’ll be valuable. If you’re confused, don’t worry, nobody else on the ESPN set knows what to say. So, Stu says he had a 4.3 gpa in high school. Since Brandon never had to go to class at Kentucky, I guess his High School GPA is relevant? He apparently went to a really easy high school with a lot of APs, or the school gpa was out of 6 and he was a C student.

8:20: Commercial break and ESPN is no longer giving me any time to react to picks etc. Basically, with a 5 minute clock, they spend all of it on the pick made, then sprint through to the next pick. We are no longer analyzing who the next team may take. Which is fine, since these guys haven’t been right outside of the top two picks.

Sorry everyone, but this Draft can't be saved. Not even by Rosie. So here's Maggie G.

8:23 Charlotte picks for Sacramento at #9 and takes Kemba Walker. The star and MOP of the NCAA tournament gets easily the biggest applause from the NJ crowd. Bilas says he is a winner, obviously, and that Kemba is at his  best in the open floor. “The knock on Kemba if you want to call it a knock is that he can go into a defender and score and is a good penetrator.” Jay never told us why that would be a knock, so I guess I don’t want to call it a knock. Jay Bilas is basically the younger, taller, better looking. clearer speaking version of John Madden. I’m not sure when this happened, but it did.

Kemba gets interviewed about playing for Jordan in Charlotte, and he says how good he felt working out for them.They then show a video of Kemba doing the Harlem shake for a dance recital at the Apollo. So that was neat, maybe he can have a dance off with John Wall at the next level, if not be a better player.

8:28 Bucks picking for the Kings at #10 because of a trade that ESPN has done an awful job of clarifying.. The Bucks picking for the Kings take Jimmer. ESPN shows us a handwritten contract that Jimmer signed in 2007 in which his older brother made him promise he would do what it took to reach his overall dream of playing in the NBA. I wish I had an older brother who made me reach my goals with handwritten contracts. Jimmer’s older brother, TJ, is a wannabe rapper, so I mean this guy knows all about wanting to reach his goals. Unfortunately, without surgery, TJ will always be white, and not Eminem. Stu tells us Jimmer dropped 40 against prison inmates in his first game playing at the local prison. Mikey Mac questions that by saying, “Right, like they got a f*#$ing guy keeping score in prison…”

8:35 With the 11th pick the Golden State Warriors select Klay Thompson from Washington State University. Klay’s dad Mychal was the number 1 pick in the draft. Mychal is African-American and I’m not basing that solely on the name spelling, he’s on the TV. Klay took on the lighter characteristics of his white mother. When Bilas explains that Klay is very different from his dad, Mikey Mac quickly says, “No shit, he’s white?”

We go on to learn that Klay is one of the best shooters in the draft who is creative in the open floor and was taught to be the guard version of Tim Duncan. I guess Klay will be banking in three-point attempts from here on out.

8:41 With the 12th pick the Utah Jazz select Alec Burks from Colorado. Bilas says he is not a shooter but he has some shake to his game and he can score. “He has defensive potential, but he’s not a great defender.” I’d say that’s probably because he likes scoring more than playing defense, so that shouldn’t change once he goes to a league where nobody plays defense.

Interviews are one question-one answer at this point, and since Burks is American, nothing awesome happened in this time.

847 Phoenix Suns take Markieff Morris at #13. Bilas lets us know that, it’s true, he is the Morris twin considered the worse player of the two. However, he is a true power forward, while Marcus is a tweener. Since every other player has been a tweener so far, you’d think this would have helped Marcus. As Markieff takes the interview, they ask him about his brother Marcus crying. Markieff says, “Yeah, that’s my boy. That’s. My boy.” Marcus was then asked how he’ll deal with being separated from his big bro (Markieff was born 7 minutes earlier than Marcus). Marcus kills the response, saying, “Oh you know, I’ll send him some flowers and fruit.” Yup, that was the most hilarious thing to happen at this draft. Ugh.

8:52  Houston Rockets select Marcus Morris with the very next pick. The stuff only a bad Hollywood script could make up. Twins go back-to-back, and Marcus is technically the younger brother by 7 minutes. Bilas says Houston must be very happy Marcus fell to them. I think they were taking whichever Morris was left, since you can’t tell any difference between them. Marcus seems to be the better twin, based on the clips they showed, but really, it could have been Markieff, so who knows. Maury Povich would need to do DNA tests.

Mark Jones claims he can tell them apart when asked. I call bullshit. Marcus says he wanted to go to Houston since they don’t have a scoring forward. Luis Scola can’t be happy right now. “How pissed is Phoenix gonna be if Marcus turns out to be a stud and Markieff bunks out,” says Mikey Mac, who is talking much less by now since this draft has been awful and pizza arrived.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Yup, it happened. I had to quit at the lottery. This thing was a trainwreck from the start. Not my diary, that made it plausibly entertaining. But this draft, from the venue, to the players, to the broadcast, to the interviews was just one big chinese fire drill. Since this is my first time doing one of these, it has left an awful taste in my mouth. It’s like a bile-burp after you eat some foreign food you’re not used to. I think that’s how I’ll always remember the 2011 NBA draft, which is fitting, since half the guys drafted were foreigners I wasn’t used to.

PS- This draft sucked so bad, the lone drama remaining hinged on Marshon Brooks slipping to the Celtics pick at #25. We both went nuts when Stern announced the Celtics had actually picked Marshon, because that sort of thing never happens. New England home teams never pick the guy you want. Sure enough, as Mikey fielded excited phone calls, Andy Katz dumped on our parade and explained a deal of Brooks for JaJuan Johnson, taken two picks later by New Jersey. Our hometown hero had been dealt, and the suckdom continued.

Stay tuned…

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March Madness Meets Military Operation

March 23, 2011

During the second stanza of possibly the wildest opening weekend in NCAA tournament history, the United States fired missiles at Libya in a mission known as, “Operation: Odyssey Dawn.” While I won’t get into the politics of the decision to devote military personnel into a third realm of the Middle East, I will call out the obvious. America does two things better than anyone since the ancient Greeks: Sports and War. Not only do we do them well, we also give sweet names to the invasions (“Overlord,” “Rolling Thunder,” “Shock and Awe”) or plays (“The Immaculate Reception,” “The Annexation of Puerto Rico,” “The Shot Heard Round the World”) in regards to both ventures. The ultimate goal of this blog may be to parlay it into a copy-writer position sitting around the Pentagon with a Thesauras and legal pad just making up bad-ass names of missile deployments.

For now, I’ll get back to March Madness. I can still give awesome mission names to the biggest players, teams and stories heading into the Sweet 16. So even if your bracket is more busted than Tiger Woods new girlfriend (google it), enjoy.

OPERATION: SONIC PERIL

Chicks with guns will obviously be the images throughout today's blog.

Victims: Pittsburgh, Texas

Target: Referees

Both of these teams heard the earth-shattering, nightmarish noise that represents imminent death. Much like the noise of a Tomahawk Missile en route to destruction, a referees whistle signaled the end for each of these teams. In both cases, that referee should have been waterboarded as punishment. In both cases, the game tilted on the axis of a referee deciding he is the most important man on the court. For Pitt, refs called a reach in foul on a defensive rebound with the Butler player’s back to the basket, which stood 90 feet away with 1.2 seconds on the clock. Read that again. I honestly don’t care if Matt Howard, the Butler player who corralled the Pitt miss, got shot by a Pitt player who holstered a gun in his jock, you cannot make that call in a tie game.

For Texas, the heartbreak may be worse. The five second inbounding count in basketball gets called less often than an ugly girl after a one night stand. Texas, however, faced off against a referee who not only called it, but called it at FOUR seconds as the Texas player signaled for the timeout at the same time. Instead of Texas being up two and at the free throw line, they allowed an and one that sealed their fate, and booked their flight back to Austin, a round earlier than expected. Hopefully, in the Sweet 16 and onward, referees will learn to swallow their whistles with the game in the balance and anything short of a maimed ear being the infraction.

OPERATION: NUMERIC STUN

Victim: Syracuse, Notre Dame, Purdue

Target: Marquette, Florida St., VCU, Richmond

Nobody picked the current group of 16 teams to qualify for the second week of the NCAA tournament. Literally. Check ESPN’s bracket challenge and not one person got all 16 right. The reason? One 12 seed (Richmond), two 11 seeds (VCU and Marquette) and a 10 seed (Florida St.) who nobody gave more than a passing first game chance to. In VCU’s case, “experts” got on soap boxes in the days leading up to the tournament to argue how badly the committee messed up by picking them. All VCU has done is blow out everyone they’ve played worse than Pauly D’s hair. That includes Purdue, many people’s (mine included) pick to reach the Elite 8.

Florida St. faced a Notre Dame team that almost garnered a number one seed this year. Unfortunately, the Irish couldn’t garner any points against a suffocating Seminole defense. With a matchup against VCU coming, one underdog will be euthanized. Richmond should follow soon after as they have the undesirable duty of playing tourney favorite Kansas.

Which brings us to Marquette. They had already beaten Syracuse once this year, so the recent win shouldn’t have shocked anyone. Marquette’s true upset started before any games were played. Their three best players, do-it-all forwards Jimmy Butler and Jae Crowder, and lefty sniper Darius Johnson-Odom are Junior College transfers. Basically, they either came out of high school with an SAT under 820 or no scholarship offers. All three are legitimate talents with the toughness, but maybe not the skill to beat a team of silver-spooned athletes like North Carolina.

OPERATION: MAMMOTH FURY

Battle Tank: Jared Sullinger, the Morris Twins

B52 Bomber: Derrick Williams, Harrison Barnes, Kawhi Leonard

Prey: Unskilled or Undersized Big Men

Any good military operation has its tanks on the ground and its bombers in the air. In both cases, we are talking about some massive machinery doing things never before seen in modern warfare. The same rings true in this year’s NCAA tournament. Here’s a line on each of these guys.

Jared Sullinger: With a posterior that gives Nikki Minaj a run for her money, Sullinger gets the best low post position of any big man in the game. Combine hands that would make a Vietnamese nail technician jealous, and you’ve got a load to handle in the Buckeyes paint.

The Morris Twins: Marcus and Markieff have distinct skills, we’ve been told, but every time somebody on Kansas does anything, whether its a three or a dunk, it’s one of them. As I’ve already postulated, their mother must have birthed them in vitro using the Wolverine aqua pod, and their games thus far (31 pts, 17 rebs combined in round one, 41-24 in round two) have been just as super-heroic.

Derrick Williams: After shooting 58% from three on the year, the 6’8” Williams vaulted himself into the #1 draft pick talk. He has been slashing more en route to games of  22-10 and 17-9 so far in this tourney. His and one against Texas won the game for the ‘Cats, but it might take a true explosion against Duke for Arizona to advance further.

Harrison Barnes: Another 6′ 8” wing, Barnes, the freshman savior, fell victim to the hype machine early. Now he is finally hitting his stride for the Heels, scoring 24 with 16 boards in round one. Then, he got hot with four threes and 22 points in the nailbiter over Washington. Barnes is the total package and if he gets a couple more wins, he may return to #1 overall status by draft time.

Kawhi Leonard: The former California HS Player of the Year is the main reason San Diego St. has been in the top 10 all year. At 6’8” with the wingspan of a 747, Leonard needs to be sharper if the Aztecs want to beat the UConn Kembas. It says something that he has still posted lines of 21-10 and 16-9 without playing a complete game. I just wish he’d ditch the cornrows. They’re so ‘Melo ’03.

OPERATION: FLEETING PULSE

Target: North Carolina, Duke, Kansas; Victim (Potentially): Marquette, Arizona, Richmond

Every one of these blue-blood programs have played very Jekyll and Hyde thus far. While the Tar Heels rolled in the first round, they narrowly escaped a Washington team that hung around all game and almost capped off a late comeback before John Henson deflected an in bounds pass that ended the Huskies run. Duke played a near identical game in their match-up against Michigan. The Wolverines kept hanging around until a late run of their own ended on a missed floater in the lane that would have sent the game to overtime. Meanwhile, Kansas slogged through 30 minutes against my alma mater Boston University until finally pulling away for a 19 point win (Vegas loss). The Jay Hawks looked better in round two, but still allowed a far less talented team in Illinois to keep it tight.

If any of these teams continue to struggle early, with the way this tournament has brought down top seeds, they won’t survive the two games required to reach the Final Four in Houston. Fortunately for all of them, they got good draws in the round of 16 thanks to upsets, and should have one more chance to work the kinks out before a true test in the Elite 8. I still think one of these three giants catch a slingshot to the eye.

OPERATION: TRANSCENDENT STAR

F-16s: Jimmer Fredette, Kemba Walker

Prey: Any opposing defender

Two names more popular than Bieber and Sheen to the college basketball world are Jimmer and Kemba. The first two rounds of the tournament did nothing to dispel the fact that these are the two most electric superstars in the game. With polar opposite New York styles, (Kemba is the Bronx playground point guard with the ability to get anywhere on the court. Jimmer is the Buffalo combo guard with the ability to shoot from anywhere on the court) the two players rarely resemble each other anywhere but the “PTS” column in a box score. Kemba had just 18 points in UConn’s rout over Bucknell, but he flipped in 12 measly assists while he was at it. Then, everyone got to see the real Kemba Walker. Scoring 16 in the final 10 minutes, Kemba ripped Cincy for 33 points including a perfect 14-14 from the line, with an unofficial four twisted Bearcat ankles and two lost dignities in the process.

Not to be outdone, Jimmer has dropped 30 plus in each of his tourney games. When your name has turned into a verb, as in, “Damn, you just got Jimmered by that white boy,” you know you’re pretty good. In game one, Jimmer had an “off night” the way Warren Buffett has an “off” stock tip, as he only shot 2-9 from distance, but still scored 32.  In his next game, many thought Gonzaga held the advantage across the board. If that was true, nobody accounted for Jimmer. He poured in  7 threes and 34 points. For a kid who grew up going to the local prison in order to find talent on par with his, he has yet to find it in this NCAA tournament. That could spell major problems for the Florida Gators in the Sweet 16, as their point guard, Erving Walker, is 5’8” on a tall day and the man trying to stop Jimmer, Kenny Boynton is banged up with injury.

While they reside on opposite sides of the bracket, and personal style spectrum, Jimmer and Kemba could meet in a national championship game. If that happens, the game would not only decide a National Champion, but also the debate of best player in college basketball.

OPERATION: MYSTICAL FLAW

Target: Ohio St.

Guns, America, Perfect

Victim: The rest of the field

Where is the Buckeyes weakness? In my initial March Madness preview column, they got the Marissa Miller “perfect” tag. I said they were as complete a team as you’d find in college basketball, along with Kansas. Now, after two rounds of play, they are head and shoulders above everyone else. They walked through their warm-up scrimmage with Texas San Antonio, then played even better against George Mason, the hottest team coming into the tournament. That game did pose a threat to the Buckeyes, and even gave a quick window to the soul of the team. Down 11-2 with George Mason players talking trash, Sullinger bumped shoulders with an opposing player and whispered to him, “It’s over, Yo.”

After that guarantee, the Buckeyes closed the first half on a 50-15 run for the ages. When it was all said and done, Sullinger scored 18 in just 22 necessary minutes. William Buford matched those 18 and Jon Diebler scored 13, while each hit four threes. David Lighty poured in 25 points on a perfect 7-7 from distance, thanks to perfect set ups from Aaron Craft who dropped 15 dimes off the bench. No other team in this tournament can have such a statistically perfect box score than the Buckeyes. They have prototype players at every position on the floor, and will never be at a matchup disadvantage. Even when Diebler, Buford or Lighty, in any combination, are off the mark, they can compensate for each other seamlessly.

I obviously just jinxed the Buckeyes into a cold shooting performance, early foul trouble and an upset loss to Kentucky. Thankfully, nobody really reads this blog, so maybe word won’t get out. For the sake of my bracket, it better not.