My Book’s Foreword

May 24, 2011

Some time during college, I had the idea to write a book about getting through college with a 4.0 social GPA. One could argue (at least I would) that the more friends you make in college, the better your future opportunities. Sure, there are the foreign exchange students with 4.0 actual GPAs who cure cancer and stuff, but none of those people are reading this blog. Thinking through some titles, I settled on something along the lines of “How to Get Through College Without Reading: Ironic I Wrote a Book.” I actually started the book about a year and a half ago, and combined have probably put about two hours into it since then. I’ve got like 3,000 words (aka- a tad longer than my bin Laden blog), so I thought I would post the foreword. The timing is good because I know nothing about this Israeli/Palestinian conflict and there’s nothing funny about what took place in Missouri. Don’t worry, I’ll throw hot girls in still. So here you go: the foreword to my book, written over a year ago and most likely to never be completed…

In case this blog isn't your cup of tea, Kate Upton twitpic'd a glass of beer, which you have to enjoy.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Who invented the foreword anyway? This seems ridiculous. I did no research on writing a book, but I know that some books have forewords, and I will do anything to at least present the image of me being an author. Am I an author just for writing this? If people ask, can I tell them that I’m an author, and not an unemployed college graduate living with my parents? (Editor’s note: you are an author when you are published. BOOM. Just published myself). Have I been too rhetorical in my foreword? These thoughts have all come to mind since I sat down and started typing this.

Bobby Frost... beardless as a baby's ass.

I’m starting to really like the foreword.

I originally intended to write this entire book at a Starbucks where I order trendy author-like frappes and have a cute barista know my order every morning. I’d also love to grow a beard, as some pictures I’ve seen of great writers show them with beards. Shakespeare had one. So did Robert Frost (editor’s note: I just googled Robert Frost to check the veracity of my last statement. It is false. Perhaps I can still be a great writer).

Anyway, I think I should tell a story at this point in the foreword to explain why I’m writing this book. If that’s what the foreword is even for.

Sophomore year of High School I wrote a five-page paper on some topic that escapes me now. It was for English class. So it was probably a paper on Shakespeare or Robert Frost. That’s not important. My Mom asked me how the paper went and I told her I finished the fifth page. She asked how long it was supposed to be (five to seven pages) and then said, so why did you only do five. I answered, “Because it said five to seven. That means I can’t be penalized for doing the minimum.” She told me that it was the minimum and maybe I should consider doing the maximum some time to show more effort. I told her, “Mom, I ALWAYS do the minimum. Doing the maximum is just a waste of greatness.”

Recently found out that this chick Ashley Greene is in the Twilight movies as Edward Cullen's sister. Do what you want with that knowledge, but I'm still not watching those movies.

This motto has generally guided my life in all endeavors that require work. It is also most likely the reason that I am an unemployed college grad living with my parents. Just think, if I did the maximum, I would be working a real job and not writing this book. So far, I’m having fun being an author. It has been 19 minutes. Now, I feel bad for the unemployed college graduates.

In closing, (Just the foreword’s closing. Not the entire book. Otherwise this would be a short book that may not classify as a book since it’s just a foreword) I’m writing this book because some people throughout my life have told me I’m entertaining and tell good stories. If they were patronizing me, this book is really going to suck. If they weren’t, then however many pages this book turns into might go down as the greatest words you have ever read (unless you have ever read Shakespeare or Robert Frost. I’ve spark noted them, and they seem pretty good, so I won’t put myself in their league, yet). The book should be about college, life, and things that are in college and life, and how I feel about those things. I just wrote that sentence and questioned whether I can put “, and” twice in the same sentence. I decided that since I’m the author and it’s my book, I could do this.

So without further ado, here is my book. If you are wondering, that foreword was fun. If I write another book, it will have a foreword, too.

Liked what Kate did with the place in her earlier Twitpic, and didn't feel like finding some other scantily clad model whose boobs don't redefine the game.

Stay tuned…


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