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The Worst Day of the Year

November 8, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010 may as well have its name changed to “Vomitous Puss-filled Wart Day” if you live in New England. What’s a vomitous puss-filled wart, you’re wondering? It is simply the myriad forms of weather, light and time zone factors waging war on November 8, 2010 as I type this.

First of all, you will probably hate this post, for the simple fact that there is absolutely nothing to enjoy about November 8, 2010. It is freezing raining out, which may be the most uncomfortable form of the lord’s taint to fall from the sky. It’s a blissful 35 degrees, with these violent whipping winds that can probably knock over any human, aside from a midget, whose center of gravity and girthy legs provide a stable base to prevent tippage. Add to this, that by 4 o’clock, thanks to the clocks being turned back yesterday, it will be pitch black. To top off that shit sundae with a cherry soaked in bile is the fact that it’s Monday!

Here are some quick statistics about November 8, 2010.

-Babies born on this day have a 56% chance of becoming a goth. With a ghastly 82% chance of those babies sucking in general and following any number of other social cliques.

-24% of mothers will have their babies pushed back into the womb to prevent them from being born on November 8, 2010.

-89% of contemplative suicide-candidates will make their decision to just end it right now, thanks to November 8, 2010.

-The 11% of those suicide-candidates remaining actually attempt suicide themselves, but we all know, people who want to commit suicide in the first place aren’t successful in most of life’s great tests.

-The work force will produce roughly 56% less efficiency today, because similar to the first two days of the NCAA basketball tournament, people can’t stop thinking about the fact that they have to enter back outside at some point today in order to get home from November 8, 2010.

-17% of those workers will simply curl into a ball under their desk cubicle and sleep over, as opposed to seeing what November 8, 2010 will be like at night.

-The first smile on November 8, 2010 will be recorded by whoever first reads this blog, which will probably be a supportive family member of mine when they are home from work, around 5 PM.

-Nobody will have intercourse on November 8, 2010, because the risk of conceiving a demon-child is too high. Even promiscuous teenagers with no real concept of contraception and it’s impact know not to mess with November 8, 2010.

So enjoy this wonderful day. If you have come across any additional facts that exemplify why November 8, 2010 is the worst day of the year, leave a comment. Actually, just don’t bother. I don’t even want to create further discourse about this abortion of the Earth completing one full spin around its axis.

PS- Yes, November 8, 2010 is so awful that I will not even post a bikini-clad girl to help you. If November 8, 2010 were a girl, it’d probably be Martina Navratilova, so you wouldn’t have wanted to see that anyway. Google something yourself, I give up.

PPS- I am now late for work due to blogging about November 8, 2010.

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One comment

  1. I am so sick and tired of all the bashing of Martina Navratilova and how she does not look to great. Martina has never been as ugly as especially the Americans have thought and she is aging quite nicely moreover she has charisma and I wish she would have asked political asylum in a European country this is were she belongs and she is staying a lot of time in Europe nowadays.



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