Hot Chicks and QBs: The American Dream

October 12, 2010

You knew it would happen soon enough. With the regularity of athlete and celebrity cellphone dong shots on the rise faster than our national debt, it simply became a matter of when. Earlier this week, the media finally reported the story that broke in late August, but nobody seemed to want to cover. Back in 2008, Brett Favre had one of those tingly feelings 4th grade boys get during PG-13 sex scenes and decided to take action. After some desperate voicemails, the rocket-armed QB decided to put his thumbs to the test. While the then-Jets star was rocking out with his cockpit out, Favre fired off a barrage of cell phone shots. Aside from the national embarrassment of having millions of people know that Brett is manning a single-engine Cessna, rather than a 747, he is now dealing with a potential family-ruining scandal similar to Tiger Woods (without all the blonde pornstars).


"I can't bare to read the rest of the blog. Go easy on me, Colt."


Thankfully, the story only gets better. Back in 2005, I was a hopeful sports broadcaster watching a FSU football game during my freshman year of college. While the cameras panned frenzied fans, it settled on a brunette in a cowboy hat and maroon bikini top. Brent Musberger, the announcer at the time calmly announced “1500 red-blooded Americans just decided to apply to Florida State.” Check out the video, here.

Brent was absolutely wrong. 1500 was far too conservative an estimate of how many red-blooded American boys (and by red-blooded, I think Brent meant fully-aroused) applied to FSU that fall because of Sterger. Had this game been a year earlier, I would have undoubtedly done the same. Life dreams could wait as long as I got to attend sporting events with girls dressed like that! Sure enough, the wonders of the internet made the girl a complete sensation. Jenn Sterger, as we came to find out her name, parlayed her brief cameo on national television into being the best thing on the internet since “David Goes to the Dentist”. Because this is America, she easily transitioned from “hot chick” to “famous hot chick since her boobs were hanging out during a sporting event.” Playboy spread, CHECK. Maxim spread, CHECK. Job working for the New York Jets as the in-stadium announcer, CHECK. Getting cell phone pictures of arguably the NFL’s greatest Quarterback’s “short post, double hook ins” CHECK.


Google Images only brings up about a million pictures of her. This is just my favorite.


Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have written about this if Sterger wasn’t involved. Brett Favre, on his own, sucks. His shaft shots are even worse. But then Sterger gets involved and makes this a legitimately amazing story. You almost can’t blame Favre. Here’s a girl who dressed up like a stripper about to hit the stage for college football games. Why wouldn’t she want to hook up with a multi-millionaire and one of the biggest names in the NFL? Well, because sometimes, in the rarest Haley’s Comet-style scenarios, girls who seem to be whores, are really just teases who pride themselves on blue-balling guys. In this case, that guy was the NFL’s all-time leader in yards, touchdowns and retirements. Sure, she could have hooked up with him and kept it a secret, but she’s an attention craving smokeshow who is still trying desperately to make a career out of being just that. Banging Brett Favre would have been a good story to tell friends, but it wouldn’t throw her back in the national spotlight.



::Obligatory Jenn Sterger Picture::


Now, there’s just a BP sized mess left to be cleaned up. Favre is married with kids. Sterger is single and retardedly hot. Favre might get suspended by his employer, the NFL. We don’t care who Sterger’s employer is, because she’s so hot. Favre will probably get divorced. Sterger will probably marry for money. Favre could use an implant. Sterger already has two big ones. The parallels could not be more polar. Thankfully, there’s one thing everyone can agree upon. This whole story reeks of the American dream. Little girls everywhere dream of becoming famous because they are hot and bring almost nothing else to the table. Little boys dream of becoming the star quarterback and pulling the smoking hot girls cheering them on. Thankfully, through the wonders of technology, and creepy sexting, these budding relationships can be turned into tabloid stories for the rest of eternity. When they do, we’ll always remember the Favre-Sterger tale. Okay, maybe not. But we’ll always remember Jenn Sterger: that smoking hot piece of tail.



You can find her naked through Google Images... you know, if you're into that sort of thing...



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: