The End of a Supafreak

October 6, 2010

I woke up and my phone was already buzzing. After going to bed hearing about the Randy Moss rumors, my stomach dropped. “He’s gone” I said to myself. The man who once told a reporter that rich people don’t write checks, they pay in “straight cash, homie,” the man whose self-proclaimed nickaname of “Supafreak” said in twanged West Virginian-accent, is gone.

This image has been Patriots fans Mona Lisa, since 2007. Now, we look to Danny Woodhead for salvation.

Sure enough, friends were lining up to do their best Adam Schefter and break the news that Moss had been traded back to his original team, the Vikings, for a third-round pick. Yes, the greatest wide receiver of all-time not named Jerry Rice, just got traded for a third-round pick. Tom Brady now has a bunch of little white athletic guys to throw the ball to. In case you weren’t sure, having a bunch of little white guys to throw the ball to in a sport dominated by enormous athletic guys isn’t the best thing to have.

The silver lining is supposed to be that now, in this year’s draft, the Patriots will have two picks in rounds 1-3. Unfortunately, this forced me to do some research to make sure my first thought was right. “Wait, since we won our last super bowl, have we even drafted anyone in rounds 1-3 who has become a star for the team?”  Depending on your definition of “star” the answer is a resounding, no. The part that is especially sickening is the type of talent available in the 3rd round, which is the pick we’ve acquired for Moss.

From 2005-2009 our lists of guys drafted in round 1-3 looks like this:


Logan Mankins- OG (Rd1): Became a semi-star, and since he did, we’ve obviously refused to give him a contract extension. Now, the team hasn’t spoken to Mankins since the season began and his career is over in New England. Thanks for the 5 years, Logan.

Ellis Hobbs- DB (Rd3): In 2007, We got to see the back of his jersey as he chased down a wide open Plaxico Burress in the end zone for the go-ahead TD in the Super Bowl that ruined the perfect season. I hate you, Ellis Hobbs. That play marked the downturn in my life I have still not recovered from. At least he’s off the team.

Nick Kaczur- OG (Rd3) Serviceable offensive lineman. Not quite Randy Moss. There’s always next year.


Laurence Maroney- RB (Rd 1) Do I even need to comment on this tap-dancing, dreadlocked loser who became the master of falling backwards at the end of runs as opposed to falling forward for an extra yard. He got traded earlier this season for basically nothing. The only good news is he’s still the same runner in Denver as he was here. Google “waste of a first-rounder” and you get Tim Couch, Ryan Leaf, and Laurence Maroney.

Chad Jackson- WR (Rd 2) We traded up for this guy in 2006. In 2007, I was at a college Holiday Date party and he was there with one of the girls. Needless to say, he was off the team by 2008. When I am at a college holiday date party with your second round draft pick, you probably messed up that pick. (Side note: I may or may not have had too much egg nog and questioned why Chad had yet to make any type of impact with the team, and how it was even possible he was out at this party on a Saturday night before the teams game the next day.

Dave Thomas- TE (Rd 3) Not the owner of Wendy’s, who may have been a better choice since he probably would have re-signed Randy Moss. This Dave Thomas played a couple forgetful seasons before being traded and winning a Super Bowl with the Saints. I have seen Baconators do worse damage to men than this guy on a football field.


Brandon Meriweather- SS (Rd 1) One of the only true playmakers on the team actually made the Pro Bowl last season. Unfortunately, the guy who was red-flagged coming out of college for being one of the Miami players caught stomping on the legs of FIU players during a brawl, has regressed. He has already been benched for parts of the 2010 season for inconsistent play. One big bonus to having Meriweather on your team: he is loyal. Aside from the stomping, he carried red-flags coming into the league because he also carried handguns. Back in college, he defended one of his teammates by firing that handgun at a group of men. If only guns were allowed on the field, Meriweather wouldn’t be so damn inconsistent.

No Other picks between rounds 2-3 because the Pats were trading away towards the future… more on that later.


Jerod Mayo- MLB (Rd 1): The best player on our defense, he has panned out. Unfortunately, he’s also the highest draft pick we’ve had since 2005, so him panning out had a better chance than every other guy. With that said, he didn’t even have a great year in 2009, but is looking better this year. Still, he’s no Ray Lewis in the middle of our defense.

Terrence Wheatley DB (Rd 2): Has basically done nothing with the Patriots. This waste of a second rounder has forced the team to draft two more cornerbacks since in hopes of filling his role with a good player, as opposed to the type of player Wheatley is.

Shawn Crable- OLB (Rd 3): See above description. This guy almost makes Wheatley look effective, because at least he’s available to get on the field and mess things up. Crable, on the other hand, is always hurt and doesn’t even get on the field to show off his mediocre talents.

Kevin O’Connell QB (Rd 3): Swing and a miss! O’Connell was traded the next year because he apparently couldn’t figure out how to be a Quarterback. I’m pretty sure that may have been the official statement by the team on why he was dealt, but don’t quote me on that.


Pat Chung- DB (Rd 2): Before everybody was hanging Chung Monday night with his epic performance, nobody knew much about this guy. He flies around the field and hits like a missile, but he’s usually diving at the end of plays and not making them. Let’s hope Monday night was really his coming out party and not an anomaly, because I’d love to hang Chung a long more.

Ron Brace- DL (Rd 2): Has yet to make any type of impact. However, he did miss most of training camp this year because he couldn’t pass his conditioning test. Honestly, my most rigorous workout the past five years has been a power hour, and I think given 6 months of off-season to prepare, I could pass an NFL team’s conditioning test. It’s usually like 8 sprints of 40 yards with 15 seconds in between each. It shouldn’t surprise you he’s from BC, because as we all know, BC sucks.

Darius Butler- DB (Rd2): Everyone was excited about this guy when he became a starter to begin 2010. Everyone got way less excited when he got beaten worse than a red-headed stepchild by opposing wideouts and he no longer starts. There’s still a chance he makes it, though it seems unlikely based on the other guys I’ve discussed in this blog.

Sebastian Vollmer- OT (Rd 2): Big Sea Bass actually might be the fourth best draft pick from all the ones I’ve covered. He has anchored the right side of the line and seems ready to take over Matt Light’s left, blind side soon. But, he’s still prone to getting beaten by quicker defensive ends and is definitely no cornerstone player.

Brandon Tate- WR (Rd 3): The feel-good story because the kid blew out every ligament he has connected to any part of either knee within two years. Tate has already returned two kickoffs for touchdowns this year, and with Moss gone, the team might be relying on him to step in. Good luck, Brandon. You only have to fill in for the greatest deep-threat wide receiver to ever play a game of football.

Tyrone McKenzie OLB (Rd 3): Remember Shawn Crable from 2008? Me either, but this guy is worse. Enough said.

So there you have it. Pretty sobering list, huh? Obviously, I’ve been on facebook since

"Ohhhh crap, what did we just do?"

the trade came out and I saw a few statuses that got me upset. “No big deal, in Bill we trust.” Really? The guy who made all these draft picks the past 5 years is who you trust, now?! Don’t get me wrong, Belichick is probably the best coach in the league, but I can’t help but wonder if his downfall will be that of every great Greek hero: hubris. “Wait, Colt, WTF is hubris?!” Well, it is quite simply the trait of excessive pride. Maybe Belichick can’t stand other people getting credit for his work. Maybe that’s why there isn’t an officially titled Defensive or Offensive Coordinator this season on the Patriots. There is simply “Head Coach- Bill Belichick” followed by a bunch of positional assistants.

Randy Moss has never had the best attitude. The locker room chemistry came into doubt last season as the team crumbled in a first round playoff loss to the Ravens. Moss just went reception-less for the first time in his Patriots career this past Monday night. What an ill-fitting way for the most talented receiver to ever put a Patriots jersey on, to end his career. Moss should be remembered for two things in my eyes. The record breaking season he put together with Brady in his first year with the team was a thing of beauty, and the one-handed bomb he caught after burning Darrelle Revis. Because, no matter who we draft with all these picks this year, nobody will ever be like Randy Moss again.

I hope you know what you’re doing, Bill, but that doesn’t mean I have to trust you.


One comment

  1. question.

    who won the heisman in 97, no cheating

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